These past few months have been sooo exciting!! My sister got engaged in December, so we have been wedding planning for her wedding in July. I , of course, am the Maid of Honor and could not be more thrilled!!
Her love story is so sweet. She and her future hubby have the sweetest relationship. They are truly the perfect match. There is such a peace in their relationship. My sister has always taught me to make a list of qualities that I want in a future hubby and pray over it daily. Everything that she prayed for and wanted in a guy, her fiance has. God truly gives you the desires of your heart when you are walking and seeking Him and His will for your life. God has been the center of their relationship from the get go. They have the most beautiful God centered relationship. I love the way he looks at her, how he makes her smile, and become a better person. Our family could not be more happy to add Dave into our family. He is the missing puzzle piece that we have prayed for to help complete our family puzzle.
If you haven't ever made a list of qualities you want in a guy/girl then I urge you to do so. Start by making your list with your 5 must haves. These are your non negotiables. Things that you must have in a mate. Ex. Must have an active and growing relationship with the Lord, good sense of humor, healthy.... whatever your heart desires, write it down. Then write down your 5 can't stands. The 5 things that you do NOT want your mate to have. Ex. not having a relationship with the Lord, smoker, lazy, not loyal.... write these things down. Within the first couple of dates you have with someone you can tell if they have , or don't have these qualities. If they don't have these qualities then walk away. You won't be truly happy in your relationship ,and you will constantly be trying to fix them.
These are just a few things that I have on my list that are important to me.
~ Active relationship with the Lord. I want him to be the spiritual leader of our relationship
~Good sense of humor
~ Leader, people person, friendly
~Good relationship with his family
~ Speak my love language of touch and words of affirmation
~Healthy. Enjoys living a healthy lifestyle with diet and exercise
~ Good communicator
~Smart financially. Makes good decisions with $ and finances
~ Ambitious and adventurous
~Loves to travel
~chivalrous- open car door for me
~ someone who stretches me spiritually, mentally, and physically
~ Tall, dark, and handsome. And good head of hair. ahah I figure it doesn't hurt to pray for this. ;)
Being completely honest and transparent with you guys. I have dated some serious duds!! I knew from the beginning that the relationship was not right, but because I desired so badly to be in a relationship and in love....I tried everything to make it work. Bad decision, it only caused me more internal pain leaving me so unhappy in the relationship. I have reached a place in my life where I am so content with where I am right now. I don't need a guy to complete me, or make me feel better about myself. I would much rather be single then in a wrong relationship with a guy trying to make things work. I am embracing being single and working on myself, so that I can be the best me in my future relationship. I want to be who my future mate is looking for. I realize that I need to be complete before I enter in a relationship, because no guy is going to be able to complete me like the Lord. So I am taking this time to work on me. I have goals and things that I want to accomplish and work on. I am so passionate about life and some things that the Lord has placed on my heart. I have learned to live life on purpose and embrace each day with passion.
I am no relationship expert ,but when I see couples break up, get back together, break up get back together....it kinda puts up a red flag. I heard someone once say that when you are dating someone and constantly breaking up and getting back together that you are practicing for divorce. What a true statement. There is obviously an underline reason why you constantly are breaking up. Evaluate that reason. Do you not have a peace? If not then, hello!!! Run, do NOT settle, that is the worst thing you could possibly do. The Lord has the perfect match out there for you. He is the perfect match maker, so trust Him with your love life!! Are you trying to let that guy fill a place in your life that only God can fill? Maybe it's that your relationship with your earthly father isn't great and that your family life isn't strong. Are you trying to find that love in a guy that you never received in your family?
If friends and family caution you that they don't have a peace about the relationship you are in then listen!! They know you. They knew you before the guy came along and can see that maybe you aren't yourself, or are changing in maybe a not so good way. Listen to them. Sometimes we can be blinded by what we think is love, so it's good to have friends and family speak into your life.
If you are constantly breaking up and getting back together...don't you think you should examine why this is happening? If you have been with the guy for over a yr and still don't know if you want to marry him.... then tell me why are you still with him? If it's the right relationship you will just know and there will be no doubt. I can understand breaking up once and examining your relationship, but if you break up anymore then that...I do not think you are in the right relationship. The right relationship shouldn't be constant work. Yes, there are obviously things to work on in every relationship, but if there are constantly issues and things that you are finding you are being asked to change about yourself.... is that really how you want to spend the rest of your life? You should never have to change who you are to make someone else happy. Be who you are. If you are feeling anxiety and pressure in the relationship then it's not a healthy relationship.
The right relationship will be full of peace and joy. Others around you will affirm this relationship. In a wrong relationship chances are there are a lot of problems and "things to work out" and "breaks." From the very beginning when my sister began to date her now fiance there was such a peace. We knew from the very beginning that he was the one for her. He brought out the best in her and we just knew that they were meant to be. Sure they have had a few issues like any couple to work on, but their relationship has been a constant struggle to fix things.
Signs of an unhealthy relationship.....
Are you constantly having to "fix things" , work on yourself, take breaks? Do you have anxiety? Do you have fear that he will get mad if you don't answer when he calls? Does he tell you that he isn't sure if your personalities mesh well? How often do you spend time with your best friend? Do you still make time for your best friend?What does your best friend say about your bf? Do they have red flags?How do you spend your time? Is it just the two of you on the weekends hanging out? That annoys me so bad when I see couples that just hang out the two of themselves all the time and seclude themselves. There weekends consist of staying in all weekend. How boring? That does not sound like an exciting relationship. That's what you do when you have been married for years!! I think it is so important to surround yourself with people ,so you can see how your significant other reacts when others are around. Plan double dates, game nights, get friends together to go hiking, have family dinners. I am not saying that all your time should be spent with others, but do have a good balance. There should be a good division of spending time with just the two of you, with friends, and then with family. Make date nights fun for the two of you. Maybe train for a race, play a sport together like tennis, cook together, have a picnic( picnics are my favourite), read a devotional and discuss it together. Make your relationship fun and active. Dating should be the time when you are really enjoying trying new things, challenging each other, and experiencing life in a fun way.
Like I said, I am no expert guru, but I have learned a lot from past experiences. I am just speaking from experience. I hope that this helps someone.
Big hugs from me to you!!
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